The Less-Stress Guide To Money And Family
Real Simple|May 2019

It’s A Relief If You Can Turn To Family In A Pinch—and You Want The Feeling To Be Mutual. But Money And Family Can Be A Combustible Mix, So Heed This Expert Advice.

Melanie Mannarino
The Less-Stress Guide To Money And Family

HERE’S THE FIRST RULE to follow when lending money to a family member: Assume they will never pay you back—and be OK with that.

And here’s the first rule to follow when borrowing money from family: For crying out loud, pay them back.

If everyone who ever borrowed or lent money followed those two rules, these next few pages could be filled with pictures of happy family members, smiling without a shred of guilt or resentment over their financial exchange.

Unfortunately, money always seems to get uncomfortably personal. “When you lend money, there’s a power shift in the relationship,” says Megan McCoy, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Manhattan, Kansas, and a board member of the Financial Therapy Association. “The lender becomes more powerful—you see yourself as more responsible. That puts the borrower in a one-down position, which can breed resentment.”

A typical family loan might go like this, says McCoy: Someone asks you for money. You don’t really want to give it—you may even have judgments about why the borrower is in this predicament—but you do anyway. Then you silently stew every time they show up at your house with a fancy latte or new shoes, and they act awkward and become resentful that you are “making” them feel uncomfortable (which may be more about perception than reality, but still). Next thing you know, months have elapsed, you’re still waiting for your money, they’re hoping you’ve forgotten about it, and there’s a rift in your relationship neither of you are happy about.

This story is from the May 2019 edition of Real Simple.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the May 2019 edition of Real Simple.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM REAL SIMPLEView All
IF YOU WANT TO lean into native plants
Real Simple

IF YOU WANT TO lean into native plants

\"Natives\" is an umbrella term for plants that are indigenous to your area. That means they're already adapted to your climate, may require less tending, and are amenable to your pollinators.

time-read
1 min  |
April 2024
IF YOU WANT TO help the pollinators
Real Simple

IF YOU WANT TO help the pollinators

The bees (and the butterflies, moths, wasps, and hummingbirds) need you! Make smart planting choices now to get your yard buzzworthy.

time-read
2 mins  |
April 2024
Cut the Clutter Clear out what's taking up space in your homeand your mind.
Real Simple

Cut the Clutter Clear out what's taking up space in your homeand your mind.

Clutter tends to sneak up on you. One minute, you have a coat closet full (but not too full) of coats. The next, it's bursting at the hinges with sports equipment, pet supplies, broken appliances, and, yeah, way too many puffers.

time-read
6 mins  |
April 2024
NERDING OUT - BIRDSONG
Real Simple

NERDING OUT - BIRDSONG

How the twittering set learns to speak

time-read
1 min  |
April 2024
SMART MONEY - THE FINANCIAL DECISION THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
Real Simple

SMART MONEY - THE FINANCIAL DECISION THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

Sometimes, one thoughtful shake-up can make a big difference.

time-read
4 mins  |
April 2024
RELATING - A Natural Connection
Real Simple

RELATING - A Natural Connection

The key to good health-for us and the planet-lies in rekindling our relationship to the dirt and the trees.

time-read
6 mins  |
April 2024
Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas
Real Simple

Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas

CINDY ASKS... A pet peeve of mine is when I'm saying something to a friend, and the friend takes out their phone and begins scrolling or typing. I'm more of a listener than a talker, so it especially hurts when I've fully listened to a friend, then I start to speak and they turn their attention to their phone. I'm tempted to say, \"Oh, am Iboring you?\" or \"Would you and your phone prefer to be alone?\" or just plain \"It hurts my feelings when I talk and you take out your phone. Is it an emergency?\" Advice needed.

time-read
3 mins  |
April 2024
HEALTH - ACE YOUR RACE
Real Simple

HEALTH - ACE YOUR RACE

Whether it's a charity walk, 5K, or full-on marathon, experts and avid runners share their best advice for feeling confident, comfortable, and proud on the big day.

time-read
5 mins  |
April 2024
5 Smart Uses for Rubber Bands
Real Simple

5 Smart Uses for Rubber Bands

Wrap your head around these snappy, editor-approved ideas.

time-read
1 min  |
April 2024
IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN
Real Simple

IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN

But we can help! If real-life barriers are holding you back from living your eco-friendliest life, read on.

time-read
3 mins  |
April 2024