Modern Manners

Real Simple’s Etiquette Expert, Catherine Newman, Offers Her Best Advice On Your Social Quandaries.

- Catherine Newman

K.B. ASKS…

My team at work does a lot of mandatory post-work team-building events. Unfortunately, I don’t enjoy spending extra time with my colleagues, and the outings drain me completely. I suggested doing lunches instead so they fall during work hours, but the team vetoed it, saying they want to have drinks. It might seem like a small thing, but I DREAD these outings for weeks in advance. Going to human resources seems extreme, but is there another option?

That these events occur outside of work and involve drinking makes “team building” sound like a euphemism for sponsored partying, which should not be compulsory. But, forgive my presumption, I also wonder if you might have a bit of a social-anxiety disorder, given that all-capped “dread” and the fact that you feel it for weeks in advance. If you do have social anxiety and you get a diagnosis, then this becomes a diversity issue, and HR is required by the Americans with Disabilities Act to accommodate you without consequence to your career. Even if that doesn’t resonate for you—maybe you’re simply shy or protective of your time—I would still let HR know that you prefer to conserve your energy for the work itself. For all you know, others on your team may be grateful to you for speaking up.

K.C. ASKS…