Modern Manners

REAL SIMPLE’S ETIQUETTE EXPERT, CATHERINE NEWMAN , OFFERS HER BEST ADVICE ON YOUR SOCIAL QUANDARIES.

E.D. ASKS…

Our in-laws want to throw us an anniversary party, and while their home is lovely and very clean, they recently got two young dogs who run everywhere and jump on people when they come in. I didn’t grow up with pets, and I find this behavior just plain annoying. I think if this party is really for me, it should be the way I’d want it: animal-free. Is it rude to ask that their dogs not be present at the party?

On the one hand, the party is “really for you” insofar as your in-laws have generously offered to host a celebration on your behalf. On the other hand, the suggestion that it should be exactly how you want it made me smile—the same way I smiled when my son imagined aloud exactly how he wanted his sixth birthday party to be (with a frosted cake 10 stories high!). I don’t think it works quite like that. You could say nothing and hope they think to put the dogs upstairs. But if you’d rather not have the party at their house at all than have a party plus dogs, then say, “You guys throw the best parties! We love that you offered. But I have this crazy phobia about dogs at a party—as you know, I didn’t grow up with pets—and I’m wondering if we should just host it ourselves.” Ideally, they’ll reassure you that the dogs won’t be a problem or presence, and you can put aside your misgivings. But if they don’t, it would be better to throw your own dog-free event than risk being ungracious.

H.K. ASKS…

My elementary-school-age daughter has a dilemma: A friend at school says, “You’re my best friend,” but my daughter doesn’t feel the same way. How can she respond without alienating her friend?