On The Plus Side

LINDY WEST explains why, when it comes to shopping, size still mattersillustrated by LAURA BERGER

- Laura Berger

I remember the first time my mom took me to a plus-size-clothing store. I’d resisted that threshold for years even though I had clearly sized out of the “regular” stores, because shopping in the fat-lady department, as I called it, felt like admitting defeat. It meant acknowledging that I was fat, and fat was the worst thing a teenage girl could be. None of my friends had to shop in the fat-lady department. I’d be marking myself not just as undesirable and grotesque but also different, which was somehow even worse. Every instinct told me there would be no turning back. This wasn’t just sartorial practicality; it was a new identity.

Fat people aren’t supposed to think of themselves as fat. We’re supposed to think of ourselves as thin-people-in-progress, as archaeological digs, as prisoners of our own flesh, as temporary failures who will someday chase down our “real” bodies. If I started buying clothes that fit my fat body, I’d have to come to terms with the fact that it was real. The thought was unbearable.