Sorry Seems To Be The Handiest Word

Do you say sorry more than eight times a day? Donna Tang says over-apologising is holding women back. Here’s why you should change tack.

- Sarah Cooper

How often do you say “sorry”? You might be surprised – try keeping count today. A British survey found that adults say “sorry” an average of eight times, and up to 20 times, daily. When I kept count, I hit 32.

It seems like a harmless habit at first. Many of us use ‘sorry’ like punctuation, as in “Sorry, did you get my e-mail?”. We say it in place of “excuse me”. It’s like a social lubricant we use to get along, without really meaning it.

I didn’t think it was a problem until I came across the Daily Apology Checklist (right) from Sarah Cooper’s new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting

Men’s Feelings. After laughing through half the list, I started to feel uncomfortable about how close to home it hit – and how ridiculous the things we apologise for seem to be when they’re written down.

It got me thinking: is it possible to apologise too much?

NO OFFENCE

I found I often said “sorry” because I was afraid of annoying someone, even strangers, such as cashiers when I paid for purchases with a $50 bill. This could be a problem. Constantly second-guessing others’ feelings for fear that you’re angering them is neither enjoyable nor productive. Worse, if you often apologise to counteract your own feelings of guilt – like I did when someone asked me for help at a time when I’d made other plans (“So sorry, I’ve something on!”) – this might reveal that you have trouble with saying no, and establishing healthy boundaries.