Your Guide To Midlife Sex

Mourning the loss of bedroom passion? In this guide to midlife sex we look at the many ways to make sex fun again at any age

So. A personal question. How is your sex life, now that you are a grown-up cruising through your midlife? “Well... we hadn’t had sex in ages – two years – for all kinds of reasons. And when we did it felt really... ouchy and a bit weird,” says a 49-year-old lawyer, let’s call her Rachel, who wasn’t untypical of the many women I spoke to.

‘Ouchy’ sex is a huge deterrent for women going through menopause – I mean, why would you, if it’s not enjoyable? A recent condom commercial for lubricant raised the issue of uncomfortable sex. The ad highlighted women’s natural fluctuations in lubrication and instigated positive debate about the need for women to speak up about enjoying (or not enjoying) sex. Although the ad didn’t focus on age, the figures tell the story – some 84% of menopausal women find sex painful, according to a British survey. Little wonder getting it on ranks below checking sell-by dates in the fridge on the to-do list.

The most common reason for pain in perimenopause or menopause is vaginal dryness, brought on by hormonal changes (a drop in oestrogen in particular), often rendering the area acutely sensitive. “I’m as dry as the Sahara,” says Rachel. “We had sex a few times, and it was incredibly painful because of that.” The other culprit is – klaxon alert for the least erotic term in the world – vaginal atrophy. The thinning, drying and inflammation of the vaginal walls, a condition an estimated 50% of menopausal women suffer from.