What’s your style?
Parenting is largely subjective. As a parent, your approach to your child is as unique as you are, for you bring with you your experiences as a child, your personality characteristics and a little bit of what you’ve read or heard or seen of others’ opinion on parenting. You’ll be surprised to learn though that despite all these distinguishing parameters, several years of research and studies have identified a few distinctive approaches to bringing up your kids. There may be no straight right or wrong to this, and most parents will not conveniently fall into one particular category. Read on to know which one you are leaning towards. Continue, adapt or alter.
As the name suggests, those who have this approach towards parenting demand unquestioned obedience from their children. Rules are critical to the authoritarian parent and she expects that children will follow them without exception. You fall in this category if you are the decisive factor in every aspect of your child’s life. There is no space for arguing another point of view, and your children must follow all of the rules all the time.
Danny (3): Can I wear my red Superman t-shirt when I go down to play with Armaan today?
Mum: Absolutely not. It’s Tuesday of January, and you are to wear blue hooded jersey today, honey. Danny: But I want to. Mum: You don’t get to pick your clothes Dan. Mummy decides what’s best for you. You will wear your blue jersey today. Danny: I do want to wear the Superman t-shirt, mummy. Please... Mum: I said, NO. Danny: I want Superman! I want Superman! Mum: You either wear your blue jersey or you don’t go down to play at all.
By following this pattern, you establish who’s the boss early on. Someone with clarity, high expectations and tough loveis capable of bringing up a disciplined, self-motivated child. Conservative rulemaking helps your children understand where they stand, what they are allowed to do, and what is expected of them. Besides, children of authoritarian parents tend to follow rules most of the time.
Considered as one of the most ineffective ways bringing up children, psychologists grouse the lack of communication it involves. A strict, rule-based pattern can erode the affection and communication between children and parents and make them emotionally distant. Besides, since the importance of rules is not communicated, they lose their efficacy altogether. When the children are younger, they may blindly follow your word, but as they grow and experiment with independence, they may end up becoming secretive, rebellious and even deviant. It is believed that children of authoritarian are more aggressive due to suppressed anger, indecisive and emotionally dependent. Since their opinions have never been heard, they may develop self-esteem problems as well.
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