Transformation Magazine|September 2020
When we change the lens through which we view the world, worry melts and life provides so many opportunities to find hope and love and gratitude and joy.
Mary Boutieller
As last month melts into the past and September’s promise appears on the horizon, I am finding myself feeling uncertain and uncomfortable about where we are (collectively) and where we are going. This year has caused such unexpected upheaval in our lives. We continue to negotiate the effects of the coronavirus pandemic as we examine who we are and where we stand on issues such as racism, equality, love and division. Sometimes, this ambiguity breeds fear, indecision and hesitation, in part because we can’t predict what will happen next. And that, my friends, is really unsettling. As humans, we tend to like predictability. It gives us a sense of assurance that we know what is coming next, relieves a lot of stress, and allows us to concentrate on more important things. And right now, it’s really hard to predict much of anything!

I’ve noticed that, even with all of my blessings and privilege and opportunity, I am having trouble finding and holding on to a sense of peace and joy that I previously took for granted. It’s as if the undercurrent of worry isn’t allowing me to see all that is here and now right in front of me, begging to be noticed and absorbed and felt. I learned a long time ago that pushing these feelings aside doesn’t fix anything, so I just allow the waves of up and down, worry and peace to move through me, like a patient observer waiting for the rest of the story to be revealed.


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September 2020