Why I Cheat...
Men's Health South Africa|December 2018
Why I Cheat...

Eight Years Into Her Marriage, Sarah Used Online Dating Service Ashley Madison To Find A Man To Have Sex With. Her Story Of Desire And Betrayal Is A Wake-Up Call To All Guys: Are You Giving Your Wife What She Craves?

Laura Ongaro

Sarah phoned the Men’s Health office at the allotted hour. According to our go-between, she was in her early 30s and married with young children. She’d also been active on the site for a few months. A little reticent at first, Sarah soon relaxed, though the whines and squawks of a fractious toddler were a constant soundtrack to her tale. Here’s what she told us.

“I was 17 when I met the man who would become my husband. He was 19, and when you’re a teenager a two-year age gap is significant. Truthfully, we were both pretty clueless about the world, and sexually inexperienced, but it was thrilling to be going out with an older guy.

I married him when I was 24. Like all brides, I guess, I assumed I’d never sleep with another man. But five years later I was – what’s the word? – restless, I suppose.

What went wrong? Nothing really. Nothing earth-shattering. Just a realisation that we were different people. My husband’s a homebody. He’s happy spending one Saturday night after another on the couch in front of the rugby or a movie. But while I would sit there with him trying not to complain, the fact is I was bored. I wanted to go out and have fun, to socialise with friends, drink and dance a little, meet new people. Lights out by 10pm every Saturday night wasn’t my idea of an exciting life.

I was also feeling neglected. Don’t get me wrong: my husband isn’t a mean person at all and we still get on. But I often have the sense when we’re together that he wouldn’t care much whether I was there or not. I needed more attention. I needed to feel appreciated – and, yes, wanted. I missed being seduced. I missed the feeling of being desired, of having lustful eyes wandering over my body.

Late one night I was watching TV at a girlfriend’s house when an ad came on for Ashley Madison, and right away I thought, let’s try that. I realised there were people out there in the same situation as me: unfulfilled, but with no desire to plant a bomb under their lives. You need that mutual understanding of the need to be discreet and manage expectations, knowing you both have a lot to lose if feelings spin out of control.

When I joined the online service I wasn’t ready to take things too far, so I chose an option called “Exotic Chat”, where you just email back and forth with someone.

The first guy I did this with was married. Unlike me, he’d been meeting with other members for sex. In our chats I would ask him about those encounters, and he would tell me his stories in vivid detail.

There were no limits to where our chats went. And sure, they soon turned sexual. We knew what each other looked like by this stage because you have the option of granting someone access to your private gallery.

The chat is really about whetting the appetite. You say what you would do to the other person if they were with you. For us it became explicit. Once I pleaded, “I need to feel your tongue on me – let me sit on your face”.

Was it arousing? Absolutely! We started exchanging photos. I sent him shots of my cleavage and breasts. Finally, I sent a shot of my vagina, with a finger inside me.

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December 2018