Sex Machine
Car and Driver|December 2018
Sex Machine

The new 2019 Audi A7 wants to be your everything.

John Pearley Huffman

Let’s talk about sex. About lust and passion and desires we cannot control. About taut lines and provocative shapes that make our brains burn. About things so freakishly gorgeous that when you see them, your pupils dilate explosively. There’s nothing rational about sexual attraction. It’s transcendent.

If Audi’s second-gen A7 “five-door” Sportback coupe isn’t super sexy, there’s no reason for it to exist at all. Because the same car in a classic four-door body sits across the showroom floor wearing an A6 badge. The A7 has the same all-new, turbocharged 3.0-liter V-6, the same Quattro all-wheel drive, the same 48-volt stop-start system, but a base price that’s $9100 more. That’s a lot to pay for sex appeal.

So how sexy is the new A7? To our eyes, not quite as sexy as its predecessor. But still plenty sexy enough.

With its stiletto profile and leonine face, the original A7 had a sleek fierceness. It was about as provocative as a sedan-like, coupe-ish hatchback could be. It was a sensation. This new one is a blunter beast with a flatter nose, a larger hexagonal grille, and squarer-cut body panels. But it also has its own swagger, with thicker shoulders and a crisply delineated musculature. Driverassistance sensors bursting out of the grille give it the look of a Camaro that swallowed an AWACS plane, and the trim in the rear bumper meant to evoke exhaust outlets where there are none is silly. But overall, it’s a clean technical look, high fashion mixed with an operating room. In other words, it’s an Audi.

Audi excels in the LED headlight spectacular, and with this new A7, additional dancers have been added to the kick line. In fact, there are three different headlight systems offered depending on trim level: Premium models (starting at $68,995) get LED lamps and daytime running lights; Premium Plus models ($73,395) get Audi’s adaptive Matrix LEDs and dynamic turn signals that illuminate in sequence; and Prestige models ($77,295), like the one tested here, get laser headlights complete with a sticker above each lamp warning about laser radiation and cautioning owners not to stare into the beam. Now when there’s a deer caught in the A7’s headlights, it gets involuntary LASIK surgery. Word is that, for 2020, an ultrahigh-beam function will vaporize the animal before impact.


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December 2018