The doctor pressed my stomach as I lay on the hospital bed, and asked if it hurt. I hesitated, then saw my mum's face contort with fury behind his back. I remembered her hissed instructions before we'd entered the room, telling me to lie, her vice-like grip on my wrist.
There was no pain, but all I could do was nod. At the age of three, I knew if I didn't do as Mum said, she'd turn her anger on me. To others, she appeared loving, but in private it was a different story.
My earliest memories are of endless hospital trips and being poked and prodded by doctors, as Mum told them about symptoms I didn't actually have.
I dreaded the moment each doctor concluded they couldn't find anything. If they suggested it might be psychological, she'd scream and shout, while my dad simply stood by.
Back home, Mum would tell me it was my fault I should have explained my symptoms better. By the time I was nine, I'd been hospitalised on nine occasions, for days or weeks at a time. I was in turmoil, traumatised by the sight of a hospital and terrified of my mum.
Was I really ill? Or was Mum causing it? ' I thought about telling someone, but I couldn't find the words.
When my arms were sore after a holiday spent swimming, Mum declared I had a muscle disease.
When doctors failed to find anything wrong, she forced me to use a wheelchair whenever we were out. I was removed from school and made to stay in bed with my arms and legs in bandages that were only removed when she took me to hospital.
I was never allowed to mention it. I never returned to school after that, and missed my friends desperately. Instead, I lay in bed at home all day in pain from the bandages, being forced to take a cocktail of drugs and feeling sicker and sicker.
هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة August 21, 2023 من WOMAN'S OWN.
ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 8500 مجلة وصحيفة.
بالفعل مشترك ? تسجيل الدخول
هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة August 21, 2023 من WOMAN'S OWN.
ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 8500 مجلة وصحيفة.
بالفعل مشترك? تسجيل الدخول
MIND OF MY OWN
The Woman's Own columnist has her say on cooked brealdfasts, divorce and cleaning
GOING SOLO
Claire Waite Brown, 52, hadn't travelled alone for over 30 years
The rise of DUCHESS SOPHIE
The Duchess of Edinburgh has transformed from PR girl into the Royal Family’s secret weapon’
EXPLORE THE SURREY HILLS
For great walks with spectacular views, this green oasis is a welcome retreat
THE TRUE COST OF ACID ATTACKS
After the number of chemical assaults making headlines this year, Woman’s Own investigates the devastating impact on victims
LOW-CAL FAKEAWAYS
Healthier fast-food favourites, all under 405 calories per serving
'CANCER WON'T RUIN MY WEDDING'
Just weeks before her big day, Charlotte Nash-Pye, 36, found a lump in her breast
HE WENT ON A NIGHT OUT, AND NEVER CAME BACK
Safina Powell will never know the truth about what happened to her son
I'M 64 AND I'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM
Despite being happily married for over 30 years, Carole Baker never truly enjoyed sex
'IT'S A NIGHTMARE'
Coleen Nolan on why stress is causing her to have a 'meltdown'