Do you need a MARRIAGE MOT ?

Married therapists Sarah and Matt Davies reveal what it takes to keep the spark alive

- JULIE POWELL

After years with the same person, marriage can feel comfy, but a little dull – like an old cardie. Wish you could get back some of the excitement and feel closer to your partner again? Meet Sarah, an embodiment coach, and Matt Davies, a psychotherapist and psychosexual therapist, who are happily married and have known each other for 25 years. 

Based on personal and professional experience of a variety of relationships, they have co-authored a book about the secrets of lasting love.

‘Research around couples who think that they’ve found The One shows they’re often more complacent and believe they’re automatically going to stay together,’ explains Sarah. ‘This means they don’t make as much effort to look after their relationship.’

Sarah and Matt first went to couples counselling themselves after the tragic death of one of their twins. They’ve been back numerous times since. ‘For ongoing bumps and difficulties,’ explains Matt. ‘It’s helped us recognise patterns in our behaviour and how to get unstuck.’

‘When we are both feeling emotionally needy, stressed and overwhelmed, we get into our behaviour hamster wheel,’ adds Sarah. ‘I take on this bossy mother-figure role and Matt becomes more childlike and dependent. We’ve had to learn to unpick what we’re doing, because this dynamic was so unsatisfying.

‘Lifelong love evolves. Trying to change the other person in your relationship doesn’t work, but you can change your behaviour, and adapt and grow together. Try our tips to reset your relationship.’

1 Treat your partner like a stranger