DEAR PARENTS

Dear Parents, Welcome to Kinderkids Nursery School! We so loved meeting you all at orientation.

- CLAIRE FRIEDMAN , MAX FELDMAN

Also, we regret to inform you that your children were exposed to lice at orientation. Consider the “getting sick at school” Band-Aid to be hereby ripped off! Fear not—we have lice checkers coming tomorrow, and we’ll make sure to let you know if your child is a carrier and thus not welcome back at school for a week.

Dear Parents,

Can you believe week one is already behind us? Apologies to everyone who wasn’t allowed to join owing to parasites, but if that’s you we have some good news. You weren’t exposed to COVID. This is a notification that everyone else was. Please make sure to monitor your child. Though the symptoms may be mild, the ramifications for your child-care situation will be earth-shattering.

Dear Parents, 

We have a theory here at Kinder kids, and that theory is: Everyone is going to get pink eye eventually, so why not now? In other words, all your children now have pink eye. It looks sort of cool, though—like they’re all Shredder from the new “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”? We’ll try to get a pic and send it via the Brightwheel app.

Dear Parents,