How We Keep Our Love Alive

As divorce rates skyrocket we ask marriage counsellors how they make their own relationships work

- Charlea Sieberhagen-Grey

January can be trying at the best of times: money woes, school fees and a whole year of work and worry ahead.

Throw a pandemic into the mix and stress levels ramp up several notches – especially as the second wave continues to crash on the shores of chaos and concern.

And it’s taking its toll on the love front.

Divorce rates in South Africa increased by 20% during lockdown last year, according to research done by DIY Legal, and the breakup trend is being followed around the world. In the UK, a leading law firm received a 122% increase in divorce enquiries in July and August 2020 compared to the same period the previous year.

As it is, December is a traditionally trying month for relationships. “I see a lot more new clients from middle January and February than in other months of the year,” says Bertus Preller, a Cape Town divorce lawyer.

“The holidays can be extremely stressful and emotionally charged, which might only worsen the problems in a marriage,” he says.

So what do marriage counsellors do to keep the happy home fires burning? We asked a few to share tips of the togetherness trade.

Maxine Ngonyoza (36)

Marriage counsellor, Durban

I’m a firm believer in the idea that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.

So I make a point of looking after my own well being, making sure to eat healthily, regularly take some me-time and avoid toxic people.

My husband, Ntsikelelo, and I have been married for seven years and transparent communication is one of the cornerstones of our marriage.