The Price of Being First'
New York magazine|February 12-25, 2024
This winter, I made modeling history. Then the internet made me wish I hadn't.
Paloma Elsesser
The Price of Being First'

ON THE AFTERNOON OF DECEMBER 3, I was on my hands and knees at the Sunset Tower Hotel, praying. It was the day before the Fashion Awards, an annual event put on by the British Fashion Council that honors designers, models, and others—I was up for Model of the Year. Yet all day, I had been making silent pleas not to win.

Please, God, don’t let me win this award, I prayed. I simply do not have the capacity.

When I was 22, studying psychology and literature at the New School, makeup artist Pat McGrath saw me on Instagram and someone from her team sent me an email that would change my life. I started modeling, and in the nine years since, I’ve achieved things I’m deeply proud of: appearing on the covers of American and British Vogue (a few times!), walking runways worldwide, buying a home, even releasing a book. Yet, amid these milestones, I have been afraid of feeling found out. Constantly self-editing, trying to find my balance between tender self-acceptance and unbridled self-hatred. Each victory for representation comes with a new flood of vitriol and a new wave of doubt: Maybe they’re right; maybe I don’t deserve to be here at all.

هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة February 12-25, 2024 من New York magazine.

ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 9,000 مجلة وصحيفة.

هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة February 12-25, 2024 من New York magazine.

ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 9,000 مجلة وصحيفة.

المزيد من القصص من NEW YORK MAGAZINE مشاهدة الكل
Drowning in Slop - A thriving underground economy is clogging the internet with AI garbage-and it's only going to get worse.
New York magazine

Drowning in Slop - A thriving underground economy is clogging the internet with AI garbage-and it's only going to get worse.

SLOP started seeping into Neil Clarke's life in late 2022. Something strange was happening at Clarkesworld, the magazine. Clarke had founded in 2006 and built into a pillar of the world of speculative fiction. Submissions were increasing rapidly, but “there was something off about them,” he told me recently. He summarized a typical example: “Usually, it begins with the phrase ‘In the year 2250-something’ and then it goes on to say the Earth’s environment is in collapse and there are only three scientists who can save us. Then it describes them in great detail, each one with its own paragraph. And then—they’ve solved it! You know, it skips a major plot element, and the final scene is a celebration out of the ending of Star Wars.” Clarke said he had received “dozens of this story in various incarnations.”

time-read
10+ mins  |
September 23 - October 6, 2024
The City Politic- The Other Eric Adams Scandal The NYPD shot a fare evader, a cop, and two bystanders. He defends it.
New York magazine

The City Politic- The Other Eric Adams Scandal The NYPD shot a fare evader, a cop, and two bystanders. He defends it.

On Sunday, September 15, Derell Mickles hopped a turnstile, got asked to leave by cops, then entered the subway again ten minutes later through an emergency exit. This was at the Sutter Avenue L station, out by his mother's house, five stops from the end of the line. Police said they noticed he was holding a folded knife. They followed him up the stairs to the elevated train, asking him 38 times to drop the weapon.

time-read
5 mins  |
September 23 - October 6, 2024
Can the Media Survive?
New York magazine

Can the Media Survive?

BIG TECH, Feckless Owners, CORD-CUTTERS, RESTIVE STAFF, Smaller Audiences ... and the Return of PRINT?

time-read
5 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
Status Update
New York magazine

Status Update

Hannah Gadsby's fascinatingly untidy tour through life after fame and death.

time-read
5 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
A Matter of Perspective
New York magazine

A Matter of Perspective

A Matter of Perspective Steve McQueen's worst film is still a solid WWII drama.

time-read
3 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
Creator, Destroyer
New York magazine

Creator, Destroyer

A retrospective reveals an architect's vision, optimism, and supreme arrogance.

time-read
5 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
In Praise of Bad Readers
New York magazine

In Praise of Bad Readers

In a time of war, there is a danger in surveying the world as if it were a novel.

time-read
10+ mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
Trust the Kieran Culkin Process
New York magazine

Trust the Kieran Culkin Process

First, he nearly dropped out of Oscar hopeful A Real Pain. Then he convinced Jesse Eisenberg to change the way he directs.

time-read
8 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
The Funniest Vampires on TV
New York magazine

The Funniest Vampires on TV

What We Do in the Shadows is coming to an end. Its idiosyncratic brand of comedy may be too.

time-read
5 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024
The Water-Tower Penthouse
New York magazine

The Water-Tower Penthouse

Gigi Loizzo and Angel Molina's apartment on the Grand Concourse in the Bronx looks out on Yankee Stadium.

time-read
2 mins  |
October 21 - November 03, 2024