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<p><strong>Kerry Washington </strong>played the fearless fixer Olivia Pope on <em>Scandal</em>, but in her new memoir, <em>Thicker Than Water</em>, the 46-year old reveals she was anything but growing up in the Bronx. Now a married mom of two, she describes sexual abuse by a family friend, an abortion in her 20s and a years-long eating disorder that left her suicidal. &ldquo;[It was] a toxic cycle of self-abuse that utilized the tools of starvation, binge eating, body obsession and compulsive exercise,&rdquo; the actress&nbsp;revealed in a recent sit-down for&nbsp;<em>20/20</em>. &ldquo;I could feel how the abuse was a way to really hurt myself, as if I didn&rsquo;t want to be here. It scared me that I could not want to be here.&rdquo;</p>
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<p>A standout student, Kerry explains that she felt she never fit in at Spence, the tony private high school she attended &mdash; or anywhere else, for that matter. It was only in 2018, when she was asked to participate on PBS&rsquo; geneaology show, <em>Finding Your Roots</em> hosted by <strong>Henry Louis Gates Jr.</strong>, that she found an explanation. When she asked her parents for DNA samples, they &ldquo;started freaking out,&rdquo; she told one news outlet.</p>
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<p>Her parents had been hiding a secret: Kerry, their only child, was conceived with an anonymous sperm donor. While Kerry was stunned by the news, she was also relieved, she says, because she finally had an explanation for that sense of &ldquo;not quite belonging.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It felt like I&rsquo;d been wandering through a library my whole life, looking for a specific book about myself,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;My mom and dad were these librarians who said, &lsquo;There&rsquo;s a room we haven&rsquo;t shown you.&rsquo;&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>
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KERRY WASHINGTON: I TRIED TO DESTROY MYSELF

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