Are Mothers Of “Onlies” Making A Selfish Choice?

Is the single child doomed to a life of a lonely misfit? Are mothers of “onlies” making a selfish choice? Neha J Hiranandini pleads a passionate case for one and done.

- NehaJ Hiranandini

I am travelling with my four-year-old daughter to London. We enter the plane and are enveloped in that deodorised aircraft smell that is synonymous with travel. She looks up at me in delight and I squeeze her hand in return; we are both looking forward to the next few hours of unrestrained feasting on movies and treats (the Emirates A380 service has recently acquired little Lindt cookies that we both adore). The smiling air hostess seats us, gives my daughter the requisite compliment and promptly turns to me.

“She’s so sweet. When are you having another?” I have heard this question so many times that I now have a buffet of responses to choose from. They range from “we stopped at perfection” to “my sex life is off limits” depending on how wired I am on coffee that day. In this particular case, I simply smile non-committally at the air hostess, reminding myself that my access to Lindt cookies in this metal tube depends entirely on her.

THE CHILD TRAP

My daughter was born somewhere around my 30th birthday and I feel like my own re-birth from the stifling cocoon of diapers and burp cloths has only just occurred. Suddenly, in a blink of my sleep-deprived eye, I am turning 35. I realise that I still have a few minutes left but my decision to stop at one is more personal than a ticking biological clock. In a primitive, almost visceral way, I feel that my daughter is the child I was destined to have. She is the one I am meant to pour my love into, and as she returns this love I feel connected to her in a glorious arc that leaves me brimming over. I am complete.