Mirroring May Be The Fastest Way To Find Love

For all the gender norms women have recently shattered, one outdated practice is alive and well: playing hard-to-get.

- Jenna Birch

In so many could-be couples, women are still waiting on men to send the first message, do the asking out, initiate ‘how was your day?’ calls, ask to be exclusive... It’s up to dudes to lock it down, while women hesitate or seemingly downplay their interest.

The concept of making a guy chase you has been around for what seems like forever and stems in part from long-standing unequal power dynamics, says Arthur Markman, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. “Playing hard-to get has also been used to convey that women aren’t ‘too easy’ and, therefore, less desirable,” says Marisa Cohen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College in New York City. The truth: pretending to be unavailable rarely produces its intended effect. Sure, it could help weed out F-boys just looking for a hookup. But when it comes to someone you really like, you shouldn’t be too hot and cold with your attention. According to research, it’s important to make your attraction known. In fact, experts recommend you take it one step further—for every move a guy makes, you should reciprocate with one. “It can feel strange if only one of you is initiating all the time,” says Arthur. Especially when it comes to easy actions, like texting.